So if you think that you have in-law problems, you should watch telenovelas! You don’t know from in-law problems until you have seen a telenovela.
I’m going to call this post “Inlaw Problems, Part 1” because I have a lot to tell you about, and I’m going to start with the hijinx over in the #Telemundo telenovela #SenoraAcero2, where we see that even Outlaws can have Inlaw problems.
Poor poor #LaTuti. All she wants is a family that is not made of plastic, synthetic hair, and is life-sized.
When she got the news that she is expecting #TecaLite, son of MiniTeca, Grandson of El Don El Teca Martinez, she was over the moon. Even though her new family is around the bend.
It wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world for this particular branch of the Martinez family to come to an end, but when Mini-Teca found out his boys could swim, he was proud because he knew he had given the worst TV family since the Kardashians an heir.
So he took LaTuti home to meet his father, the prostitutes in the swimming pool, and Chief Cook and Potion Maker Madame Rosa.
In life, timing is everything, and for LaTuti, she thought she was interrupting The Prostitute Pool Party and Barbeque. Yes and No.
Unfortunately, she had also interrupted her new father-in-law while he was carving up the body of his enemy Don Quintanilla, in the middle of the Prostitute Pool Party.
I love Teca’s parties because even though he is an adult in the legal sense of the world, when he has a party it’s exactly the party a 7th grade boy would have if his parents left him home alone for awhile.
With murders and prostitutes of course.
So anyway, MiniTeca brings LaTuti over to meet his dad, who is literally knee-deep in Quintanilla’s body as he was carving it up under the watchful eye of Madame Rosa, who I’m sure was thinking of a few new recipes to try out.
Madame Rosa is like a nurse.
You can’t shock her.
As MiniTeca walked LaTuti over to El Teca’s carving station which was right next to the swimming pool, I think he forgot that these activities probably did not take place in Tuti’s house, and maybe this was not the best time for her to meet his father.
Maybe he should have waited until Teca was not caressing a bloody saw while wearing a bloody apron, surrounded by bloody body parts.
With his henchman barbecuing something right next door.
LaTuti was never more sorry that Manny was not the father of her child than at this moment,
because stuff like this never went on at Don Quintanilla’s ranch.
Quintanilla loved a good Barbeque too,
but they were more family-oriented, with no prostitutes, and with Quintanilla wearing his beloved “Kiss The Chef” apron.
When LaTuti got a look at Teca conducting his autopsy of Quintanilla at the pool, she tried to escape by pretending to ask where the bathroom was, but it was too late: El Indio showed up with the heart of a lady he killed, pretending the heart was Berta’s, who at that moment was chained up in his secret Woodsman’s cabin.
When Indio saw LaTuti, he recognized her as someone who had had an affiliation with Senora Acero’s Crew (in that LaTuti had hooked up with Senora Acero’s boyfriend Manny), and he accused her of being a spy and lying about Mini-Teca being the father of her child.
All guns were now pointed at LaTuti, who was doing some very fast talking, even for LaTuti.
You need to see that scene if you missed it!
LaTuti steals every scene she is in, but this was a tour-de-force and worthy of its own Special Premios.
She talked so much and so fast that
Teca got a headache,
Indio was confused,
and as usual, The Prostitutes grew restless because time is money.
Let me tell you something:
Scheherazade had NOTHING on #LaTuti. It took Tuti only 1 Night to save her life, and not 1,001.
But in fairness to Scheherezade, she did not have any Barbie dolls to pray to.
Could this novela be any better????
Yet, like a NovelaMiracle, it gets better every day…
Gracias Roberto Stopello @soyvaroni