Tonight in the TeenageWastelandNarcoNovela #ElSenorDeLosCielos, first of all, Luzma is still kidnapped and she and her high-school friends are about to be sold to Human Trafficker, Drug Trafficker, Madman, Bad Shot, and all around bad guy Mercado, who by the way was a huge buzzkill when he interrupted General Generalisimo’s Colombian Pool Party (the pool is in the living room) to tell him that he finally managed to kill the Right Guy- the Governor of Michoacan.
I don’t know what he had against that poor guy, but Mercado is gloating about it like crazy.
General Generalissimo did not look too happy with this news, but it’s clear at this point he is only in it for the pool parties.
So anyway, I know we have to suspend our disbelief to a certain extent when we watch telenovelas, but do they really expect us to believe that ANYONE in their right mind would want 3 unhappy teenagers hanging around?
There is a reason their number is down to 3 from 4…
This is a particularly panicky group to teens and there is no ransom big enough to make worthwhile enduring their pained howls of anguish when they can’t get a strong enough signal to post Selfies of the kidnapping on Snapchat, or make Vines.
Whatever Vines are…
And the eye-rolling.
Do these kidnappers realize the dangerous level of eye-rolling they are exposing themselves to?
Between the yelling by Marcado on one end of the phone, the yelling by the teenagers in person, and the yelling by El Señor on the other end of the phone, I predict the kidnappers quit in favor of fighting ISIS, because that would actually be easier.
In other news, Leonor Ballesteros was arrested (incorrectly) for the murder of Agente Andrews.
The evidence for the charge was that she was seen going into his apartment on the day he was killed.
No kidding, if “Law and Order” ever did a “Novela” spinoff, every episode would only last about 10 minutes because there is no time wasted on collecting evidence, and at least 5 of the ten minutes would be devoted to a pool party.
Of course it would be the most successful “Law & Order” franchise ever.
So Leo was arrested by her boyfriend Omar The Minister of Health, but now apparently she is under house arrest.
In Omar’s house.
And I think Abuela is going to hook up with El Don Feyo, who is tired of his wife La Condesa chasing El Señor.
I fully support Dona Alba and I hope she runs away from home with El Feyo.
I hope that Feyo leaves a note telling Aurelio that La Condesa is his.
Because then he won’t want her anymore.