If you watch telenovelas on #Telemundo!!
Estas listo for another crazy night in the Risky Medical Center Funeral Novela #ElSenorDeLosCielos3?
There is an awful lot happening, and most of it is pretty awful for someone!
First of all, the good news is that El Señor narrowly escaped death at the hands of his heart surgeon, who is the BFF of El Don Feyo.
El Don Feyo asked his doctor to please kill El Señor during the open heart surgery the anti-Dr. Welby of Michoacan was about to perform on El Señor, because El Don Feyo strongly suspected, not incorrectly, that his wife the Mermaid known as La Condesa had something cooking with Aurelio.
Inexplicably, her father told him!
I think that old man must be a little batty, because if he did it to hurt his son-in-law’s feelings, he must have forgotten that a side effect of telling Feyo that his young and beautiful wife is cheating on him with his own godson (and quite possibly, own son, since Feyo and Dona Alba appeared to have shared more than a bottle of Tequila one night), is that he would also kill his wife, the tattler’s daughter.
I’m not sure Abuelo thought this through.
I can’t figure out why he hates his son-in-law Feyo so much, unless it’s because they were rivals at Michoacan Junior High, class of ’61.
So Feyo told the doctor to kill El Señor in pre-op, but La Monikita saved the day by pretending that she and El Señor were “on” again, and that they were devoted to each other, and told Feyo she had returned to Michoacan to beg El Senor’s forgiveness for kicking him in the groin when he tried to choke her to death during a coffee-break during the NarcoConvention in El
Don Feyo’s living room.
Monikita’s apparent devotion to El Señor threw Feyo off his game for a moment. When they wheeled El Señor into
Pre-Op, and he saw Monika standing there, and she threw herself at him in a tearful display that wouldn’t have fooled anyone up in the DF, Aurelio looked extremely confused, and was sure she was about to kill him right there and then.
Monika continued her grieving wife routine and asked for a moment of privacy to beg Aurelio’s forgiveness before he went under the knife (and then Six Feet Under).
A panicky Aurelio looked around the room as if to say “Please don’t leave me alone with this lunatic that embodies the phrase Hell Hath No Fury Like a Murderous Narcatrafficante Scorned”
Once they were alone, I can’t describe exactly what happened because I’m writing on Facebook and not for “Narcas Gone Wild,” but I guess the scene can best be described as one in which El Señor and La Monikita acted as if they mistook the Pre-Op Suite at Michoacan General
Hospital for a suite at the Sybaris Adults-Only Motel.
What got them so fired up even with him in a hospital gown (which does nothing for anyone) and paper hat, and her thoroughly disgusted with his inability to make any rational decisions concerning who to hit on?
If there was ever a match made in Hell, it’s Aurelio and Monica, and they both know it.
I wish the two of them could take their entire relationship to Dr. Polo at “Caso Cerrado” and let her try to figure it out.
After ten minutes of hearing about their literally tortured relationship, she’d just shoot them both.
It’s one thing to listen to some mother complaining about her promiscuous, heavily tattooed daughter who now wants to marry a real snake, literally, and objecting to having to pay for a wedding that will have to take place in a giant terrarium, and quite another to listen to the saga of Aurelio and La Monikita.
Dra Polo can only take so much.
But anyway, Monica warns Aurelio that the doctor is going to kill him at El Don Feyo’s request and since he’s paying the medical bills it’s likely that the doctor will comply.
(This entire issue is a good argument for Obamacare because unless the Third-Party Payer agreed to the Murder, it probably wouldn’t happen.)
I was surprised Aurelio still agreed to go under the knife, literally, but he had a brilliant plan:
In a move worthy of George Coztanza from “Seinfeld” he hugged El Don Feyo, who was in a mask and scrubs, in the Operating Room, which made no sense to me because if he wanted El Señor dead, why did he care about the integrity of the sterile field?
El Señor hugged El Feyo tightly, thanked him for hosting the NarcoConvention, thanked him for arranging such great medical care, thanked him for hosting his entire family including La Rutilla who he knows is kind of a pain because she always requires extra boxes of Kleenex because she cries all of the time.
The Jewel in the Crown of his Pre-Op speech was his APOLOGY:
Not for what he really did, which was to hit on Feyo’s wife, but for some NarcoNonsense in Colombia which probably never even happened but if it did, was probably a mix-up caused by a bad connection on those Land of the Giants Jungle phones.
El Señor then announced to the entire hospital staff that he could now die with a clear conscience.
Ok, first of all, if anyone in an American hospital ever made a speech like that right before surgery, the hospital lawyers would not allow the surgery to proceed unless the patient signed a lot of extra releases.
But the speech must have had the desired effect on El Feyo because he changed his mind and apparently called off the murder.
However, since the doctor is not a hitman and was going to kill El Señor because El Feyo convinced him El
Señor was a rat-bastard who deserved to die, you could tell that during the surgery the doctor was thinking of killing him on principle.
But then he didn’t because he was afraid El Feyo would get mad and not pay the bill.
So El Señor survived the surgery.
Who knew the risk of open-heart surgery was not infection or blood clots, but murder?
Aurelio is back at El
Don Feyo’s ranch recuperating and making eyes at La Condesa.
La Monikita caught up with her in the garden and I hope sufficiently scared her away from Aurelio.
I don’t scare easily, but Monica wouldn’t have to tell me twice.
Tonight I think Monica is going to catch them together, and if she tells Feyo, there is not enough malpractice insurance in the world to cover what us about to happen next.
You know, for a group of criminals who reserve their worst punishments for witnesses, they sure do tattle on each other a lot, but never about anything important, only chisme!!
They are really NarcoChismes!
And in other news, El Tijeras comes home to Colombia and goes crazy when he finds out Eleazar has betrayed him, the house is a mess, and his girlfriend has dyed her hair a color that does not exist in nature.
Don’t miss tonight’s episode!!
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